14. The uncomfortable paradox of business coaching

Let's talk about the elephant in the room: how business coaching profits from financial anxiety in an unstable world, and how we can navigate this tension with integrity.

Listen to hear more about:

• The paradox at the heart of business coaching — how an industry can both help people and profit from their deepest fears
• Why there's no such thing as a "fireproof house" in business, and why promising certainty in an uncertain world creates problematic dynamics
• How binary thinking (good/bad, right/wrong) keeps us trapped in cycles of shame and disconnection from our wisdom
• Practical questions to help both business coaches and clients navigate this complex landscape with more authenticity

I'll help you move beyond moral purity or cynical detachment into a more nuanced space where you can hold paradox, question systems, and still do meaningful work that aligns with your values.

It's not about being perfect. It's about being awake and honest within the messy complexity of doing business in today's world, and being willing to learn and do a little bit better today than we did yesterday.

Transcript

Speaker: 0:00

Hey friends. Welcome to another episode of Liberatory Business, and I'm your host, Simone Sol. Thank you so much for tuning in. Over the past few months, if not longer than that, I've been having so many conversations with business coaches. Actually, I have lots of business coaches among my students, and there are good people. Those among my students who are business coaches, they really care about doing meaningful work. They have real skills and they really care about helping their clients, and they have values that align with mine. They care about liberation, and yet almost every single one of them has confided in me about a growing discomfort that they can't ignore, and they don't really know what to do with. Most of them aren't making money like they used to, a lot of them.'cause they don't wanna make money like they used to. They can sense that something has changed in the industry, in the world and they sense a more acute disconnect than ever before between what's conventionally done in terms of business coaching and what they really wanna do. And they. Don't wanna keep doing the same things, but sometimes they struggle to articulate exactly what needs to change. And sometimes they're thinking, I do know what needs to change, but I'm scared to do it. And there are so many business teachers, coaches, mentors who are connected to their spirits, who that are, that are telling them something, and they're feeling a hunger for a different way forward. And this episode is my attempt to provide some of that clarity, not by offering easy answers, but by naming some uncomfortable truths that we really do need to grapple with before we can find our way into congruence. This episode is for business coaches and also for anyone who's considering buying from a business coach, including me, because I think awareness of everything that I'm talk about to talk about is really important for everyone. So here's the elephant in the room that I think should make anyone who's connected to any sense of ethics feel very uncomfortable, and that is this, the more terrified people are about money and the general lack of stability in the world. The greater the demand will be for business coaching. In other words, the more insecure people feel in a capitalist system, the more they will turn to business growth and the more business coaches will make money that's fucked up and it should make you very uncomfortable and. The thing is these are not individual issues. We're all swimming in systems that are larger than ourselves. Let's make an analogy with a different problematic system like say, white supremacy. You can be the kindest, nicest white person ever and still contribute to white supremacy. If you never name that white supremacy exists while you are still benefiting from it. Similarly, you can have the purest intentions and still be contributing to something deeply problematic if you don't acknowledge that you're a part of an industry that whether you want it or not, feeds on some of people's deepest anxieties about like, am I gonna be okay? When the world feels like it's burning? People get desperate for safety and business coaching is often what whispers, Hey, I can help you build this fireproof house. The trouble is that that doesn't really exist. There's no such thing as a fireproof house. And even if that were really a thing that actually exists, it exists. It would not be equally accessible to everyone. And that's the tension that's at the heart of business coaching in today's world that I think needs to be spoken of. Look around. We live in a crazy world. Yeah, climate disaster getting worse by the day. Political systems falling apart all around the world, and as I speak right now, I live in Korea. We don't even have a president right now. Economic inequality getting worse by the day. AI just totally disrupting entire industries in really chaotic ways, overnight in ways that are really disorienting. The pandemic really showed us how quickly things can change and how quickly things can destabilize, and that sense of unstability hasn't dissipated. It's actually getting worse in so many ways, and it feels like it's our becoming our new normal. And when there's this environment of perpetual uncertainty and instability, our nervous systems are set to be like, I want safety. And we, so we try to grasp onto any kind of safety that we can. And that's a very normal human response, right? Like when we feel threatened, we seek shelter. If we're drowning, we're gonna try to grab onto anything that feels like a lifeline. And so this is where it's easy, so easy for business coaching to enter the picture and be that promise, that fantasy of stability in an unstable world, create passive income that makes you money while you sleep. Build a six figure business in just six months. These aren't just marketing slogans, they're promises of safety to really scared nervous systems. And the business coaching industry knows consciously or unconsciously, that certainty sells way better than out uncertainty. Clarity sells way better than the acknowledgement of complexity. Step-by-step systems that are supposedly proven are way more marketable than nuance. So the message becomes, follow my proven system, do these exact steps, implement this proven blueprint, and the. Unspoken assumption is that if you just follow the formula, follow template, you can control the outcome. You can build that fireproof house in a world on fire. And my God, we wanna believe it and, and believe me, I know. That doesn't exist, and even I wanna believe it because the alternative is genuinely terrifying. The alternative is accepting that we're vulnerable, that success isn't entirely within our control, and that there are systems that are way bigger than us that are shaping what's possible for us. And so here's the truth, that coaches who care about congruence. We will be willing to acknowledge there's no such thing as a fireproof house. There's no business model that's immune to trends in a shifting market. There's no marketing strategy that uniformly works and works forever, and worst of all, no amount of money that guarantees safety from all of life's upheavals and uncertainties. I think the most enduringly successful entrepreneurs didn't get that way because they found perfect protection from risk through their marketing and selling, and it's that they've developed the resilience to navigate risks as they arise. They haven't eliminated uncertainty. They built the capacity to work skillfully with uncertainty while staying grounded to their values. And yet, right? I'm gonna help you build resilience to face ongoing uncertainty doesn't convert as much as I'm gonna show you how to build a business that's never gonna fail in the next three months. So the industry continues to promise, um, certainty in an uncertain world because it keeps making business coaches money. And here is where it gets even more complicated, because even if the perfect business model existed, even if there truly was a fireproof house like I was talking about, what it takes to build it is not equally accessible to everyone. Some people start out with generational wealth that provides a lot of padding for them to experiment other people. Are burdened by student loan debt. Some people already have a really robust social network full of, you know, well-resourced people and connections that can really help'em get a leg up, and other people are building from nothing. Some people have safety nets that allow them to take entrepreneurial risks and others are living paycheck to paycheck. You are rarely gonna see these differences and how important they are acknowledged in conventional business coaching, um, discourse because it's not really in the, in, in the industry's interest to do so. Instead, what's being pushed out is narratives like, anyone can do this and all you're missing is this formula and the only thing stopping you is your thinking and you just need to be in this room. And all of this conveniently ignores. The very real structural barriers that many, many people face. And when you buy into the idea that success is simply a matter of working hard enough and doing the right things, then what's being implicitly suggested is that if it doesn't work, it's your fault. You see? And this creates the perfect sales loop. If it works, the system gets credit. And if it doesn't, you weren't doing it right and therefore, need to buy more business coaching. Now, these are all. Uh, pretty difficult truths and there's this tempting thing that we can get to here where when we see complications and problematic foundations, we can, we are tempted to just declare the whole thing corrupt. Like business coaching is fucked up and I am too evolved and morally pure to participate in it. And I want to tell you, that's the easy way out. It gives you the satisfaction of a moral high ground and that that sense of moral superiority, which is so addictive by the way, without ever having to navigate the harder work of. Working with Nuance, and I actually think jumping to, oh, I'm too pure for this. Like that's a form of spiritual bypassing because it's using like what you're calling your ethics as an excuse to disconnect from the reality that involves you rather than enga engaging with it. Like it's choosing some idea of purity over the work of being. Present here Now in this messy system, and this kind of bypassing honestly, often comes from a place of privilege because if you have the ability and the resources to opt out of systems that many people are trying to navigate the best they can, you probably have some kind of privilege. The thing is that clients. It, it's not useful or accurate to look at clients purely as victims and coaches as like predators. We're all humans trying to navigate this clusterfuck of earthly existence together. And when we flatten that complexity into good guys and bad guys, the the victims and the villains, we miss the truth of how we're all caught in these overlapping systems together. And the person who's seeking business coaching isn't some naive idiot to be being taken advantage of. They're someone with intelligence and agency with dreams that are, you know, worth pursuing, that they're trying to find path pathways towards facing various personal and macro challenges. And the business coach isn't necessarily some manipulative shark either. They're someone who's developed certain skills, at least in. The ideal scenario, who needs to earn a living while providing actual value and helping people. That said, we can't ignore the power dynamics that are at play in coaching relationships. The coach typically positions themselves as an expert, and the typ client typically comes from a place of some kind of vulnerability and need, and this creates an inherent, um, power differential that I think is really important to acknowledge. And we all know that there are people who use this power differential to create dependency and constantly upsell people to the next thing they need to buy the more expensive next level up. And there's also other people who actively work to transfer power back into the hands of their clients. And the difference isn't the power differential itself. The power differential itself is not a problem. It's how you handle it. The real work that we're facing isn't about escaping this mess and cl, you know, attaining some kind of moral higher ground. It's about being awake within it, even when it's uncomfortable. It's about acknowledging that all of our motivations are complex. It's never black or white. None of none of us is always purely doing good or purely doing bad. We can, we are always simultaneously capable of helping and harming, and by virtue of being alive. It's bringing nuance and complexity to how we can believe in what we offer, while at the same time having the integrity to question the systems that we operate with. And also at the same time as not putting the pressure on ourselves to solve these systems overnight as an individual.'cause that's impossible too. So that dance of paradox. Where you are willing to courageously live into the questions and name the questions. That's where I think really meaningful growth happens, not in some imaginary, imaginary, um, space of perfect moral purity. So for if you're a business coach, I wanna ask you. Can your marketing tell the truth about what's actually possible for people? Because that matters. But without exploiting fear and scarcity, can you allow yourself to make money and be provided for'cause once again, that matters too, while still questioning the problematic ways that that capitalism works. Can you challenge yourself to ever greater standard standards of service and quality and genuine caring for the people that you serve while still holding the tension that we are inherently in an industry where it's so easy to exploit others', people's needs and vulnerability and insecurity in a world that's creating ever more need and vulnerability and insecurity, and some questions for clients, can you seek support while holding onto your own power? Can you discern between service providers who are aware of these tensions and are very conscientious about carrying them responsibly versus people who are happy to promise you shiny magic bullets. Can you interrogate your own attachment to the idea of a magical fireproof house? Can you work with the discomfort of knowing that there are no guarantees? And can you recognize when fear is driving your purchasing decisions rather than genuine alignment? The truth is we're all trying to survive in an economic system that wasn't designed for human flourishing in the first place. It wasn't designed for equitability, and that is just reality. I. Look, there is such a thing as actual business skills and perspectives and tools that help, and a lot of people don't have them, and they could really, um, use some help learning and there are other people who have those skills and tools and perspectives and they could provide those services. And business coaches need to eat. They're allowed to make money from something that they have, you know, worked hard to hone in on. And clients need that guidance. The question isn't how to be morally perfect in doing this. It's how to be honest. Now, where I want to leave you in this episode is to be in this generative space of enjoying the questions like at least, um, if not enjoying that, at least not being scared of the questions rather than trying to, you know, find the perfect answer and cling to them because I think. Uh, developing the willingness to live into the questions is the only way we can navigate these paradoxical spaces.'cause no one's gonna give you a perfect blueprint of answers. How can we provide VA genuine value without exploiting fear and scarcity in a world that has so much of it? How do we charge a price that allows us to sustain our work and nourishes us in our lives without perpetuating inequality? How do we acknowledge these systemic issues without being defeated by them, while still operating from creativity, a spirit of service, aliveness, and maybe even joy? These aren't questions that we need to answer fast, permanently and for all time. They're questions that we have to keep asking each other and ourselves as we navigate this work together. And please hear me on this. It requires deep compassion to ourselves and each other as we walk this journey because it, you know, when we first wake up to these tensions, it can feel overwhelming. It's actually so easy to slide into like a marsh of shame and feel like, oh my God, I've been doing it wrong this whole time. I've been, I've been hurting people when I've been trying to help people. But that shame doesn't serve you. The shame makes you wanna hide, quit, or overcompensate. And I wanna speak directly to that shame for a moment because it is such a powerful, insidious force that can easily paralyze us. And there's something. Really important happening that you need to know when you shame your past self is when shame enters the picture. What also enters the picture with it is a paradigm of the good versus bad binary when you're seeing your past self as bad because they didn't know better and our current self as good because now we have knowledge. This is very common, very easy to do, and it's also dangerous. Why is it dangerous? It's because this binary thinking keeps us trapped in a cycle where we're constantly trying to prove our goodness by distancing ourselves from our quote unquote badness. It creates a fractured relationship with ourselves. We're parts of us become unacceptable, disowned, pushed away, punished. And here's the thing. When we operate from this binary, when we subscribe to it, we're still inside the same paradigm. That creates so many problems in marketing and business in the first place. Think about it, believing that there's such a thing as good or bad. Is what makes us believe that there's a right marketing strategy, um, in the first place and keeps us in an endless chase to find the right one. It keeps us in perpetual fear of making mistakes, feeding an industry of endless courses, promising the one final correct approach. It drives business coaches to stay in narrow, quote, unquote proven lanes rather than trusting their instincts or innovating based on their unique instincts and insights. This good versus bad binary is the foundation of the shame cycle that makes you abandon yourself and. Also feeds toxic business culture because like you buy a course that says, you know, this is, this is the one right formula, this is the one correct framework that's gonna guarantee your success. And people keep investing and investing when success. Success doesn't come the assumption. Isn't, oh, maybe this whole like correct versus incorrect. Binary is flawed. Uh, but the assumption is that you just chose the wrong path, you followed the wrong strategy. You've learned from the wrong teacher, you implemented the wrong system, and therefore, and here you go again. You gotta search for the next right answer. So look, when you, uh, are talking to yourself in a shitty way, when we turn that binary good versus bad lens on ourselves, I. Even with good intentions of wanting to be more ethical and wanting to be more liberation minded, you're actually strengthening the very mental muscles that see the world in black or white. And we're training ourselves to continue thinking in absolutes and continue to, um, sort of clutch the, the clutch at the, the certainty, the comfort of certainty that comes in thinking in absolutes rather than embracing the messy, nuanced, complex reality of being human. That's why so many attempts at ethical business. Just ends up feeling like more of the same. Like, you know what used to be you gotta do this sales funnel to succeed, you know, becomes today's, you must never use these manipulative, manipulative tactics to be ethical. It's like the words are different, but the binary thinking remains intact. Um, the psychological effect is the same. Everyone feels like they're doing it wrong. Everybody's nervous system is dysregulated. Everyone's wrecked with low grade anxiety that come, comes from constantly wondering if you're on the right side or the wrong side. No one has access. Access to their creativity. And then guess what? When you're feeling that disconnected and disre like dysregulated, guess what? It's so easy for someone else to do now to sell you a solution. Look, if you are someone who's connected to your heart and you are drawn to exploring more ethical business practices because you wanna feel better about your work. And you're still caught in binary thinking, you are not going to find peace. You are just gonna trade in one form of anxiety for another. Now you're constantly worried about ethical purity instead of, you know, marketing perfection. Either way, you're still gonna be disconnected from your own wisdom, your instincts, your creativity, your capacity to navigate complexity with nuance, which is where the magic is. It is tempting to think the old me was on the wrong side. The new me is on the right side, but the deeper truth is that there is no wrong side. There is no right side. We're all human beings doing our best within systems that are bigger than us, that we don't have full control over, that we don't fully understand stand. And this place of nuance, even if it's uncomfortable, is where we can find access points to both liberation and responsibility. And I say liberation because this is where we can release the weight of trying to, you know, having to be either good or bad. And I say responsibility because here we can acknowledge that we're always participating in systems. Always causing harm in some unintentional ways and helping in others. And our task is not to be perfectly good, but to be increasingly aware, increasingly intentional, and do a little bit better today than I did yesterday. Knowing that even what I can do today is not gonna be perfect because I still exist on planet Earth. So if you're feeling a little bit of the weight of shame as you listen to this, I want you to know that your discomfort isn't. Something, uh, you know, a sign that something's wrong with you. It's not evidence that you've been bad or that you've been doing it wrong. It's just an invitation to a more nuanced, more honest, more impactful way of doing your work. It means you are being invited to grow because you are on the path that you are meant for, and it's an affirmation actually, that you care deeply. It means it's an affirmation that you are someone who's awake to complexity. The fact that you give a shit enough to examine the assumptions behind what you're doing means you're exactly the kind of person that people can trust. You're exactly the kind of person who should be doing business coaching. The industry doesn't need fewer business coaches. It needs more business coaches who are willing to, you know, sit with some un uncomfortable questions with an open heart and their willingness to learn. And look, if you are a business coach, you know this, most of the world is pretty bad at business. Most of the world is pretty ignorant about some of the most basic skills about showing up and talking about your offer and selling and marketing. And if you are someone who has a skillset and helping with people, helping people with that, I want you to go help people and make money. And I want you to do that while creating some space for paradoxical uncomfortable truth at the same time, because that's gonna help you to bring your practice into congruence with your heart and soul, and allow you to practice your values through your business. Now, here are some practical ideas that I wanna leave you with for how you can incorporate this awareness into the practical things that you do in your business. So. One idea is to review every piece of marketing content before publishing it with this question. What I feel good about my most vulnerable client seeing this when you're talking about your programs, your courses, um, explicitly name who the program is not a good fit for, and what common challenges come up when people are implementing. When you're doing sales calls, you know, say something like, I wanna be clear that I don't, and can't guarantee specific results.'cause no one can. There are so many variables, but what I can promise is this is the skillset that I do have. This is the expertise that I do have, and this is the kind of attention I'll give you. This is the exact kind of support I will give you as you nav, as you navigate this process. Ultimately, like I said, this is not about arriving at some perfect morally pure destination. It's about embracing the journey of constant questioning and learning and evolving. It's about having a practice that's alive, responsive, and honest. One that doesn't hide from complexity, but dances with it. We can continue down the path of promising certainty and rescue in in a world of unstability, or we can be the ones to pioneer a new approach that honors both the very real and legitimate need for practical business guidance and the messy reality of trying to secure safety and. Pursue our dreams and be human beings with nervous systems inside complex socioeconomic political systems. And yes, this path is harder. It's a lot easier to sell magic bullets. Wait, magic bullets, I mean silver bullets than it's to sell nuance. It's so much easier to claim this is the best way and the only way than it's to say, here's what I know and I'm not perfect, and my knowledge has limitations. But I believe with my whole heart that this harder path is not only the one that's gonna serve our clients better, but it's also what's gonna heal the deep disconnect that so many of us feel in our work, because that matters. I want you to feel whole in your work because when you feel whole in your work, that's when you're going to be able to come from the highest place of service where you can help people in the most impactful way that you can. So if you resonate with this, let's create a different kind of business coaching culture together. One that's grounded in the realities of this world. One that prioritizes care for human beings and is brave enough to sit with the hard questions because the world does not need more people promising fireproof houses. The world needs people who can help others to develop resilience, creativity, and new possibilities. With the skillfulness to navigate paradoxes. Alright, my friends, that's it for today. I'll talk to you next time. Bye.